Dear Ayn,
I’m dating a man who I think I love, but I’m afraid he’s having an affair. He comes home late, he acts suspiciously, and he even has red lipstick on his collar. Should I confront him or just hope for the best?
- County Af-fair
Dear County,
Red lipstick? Your husband is a…
This is my new favorite person (beside Kelly Oxford):
I need an auto tune remix NOW.
This woman is a fucking star!
SWEET BROWN.
Ain’t nobody got time for bronchitis!
WALT’S GOT PIZZA ON HIS MINDDDD!
More & more Breaking Bad GIFs to come on Breakinggifs.com!!!!
- Paul Scheer
One of my favorite minds alive on the planet right now - meganamram:
URGENT REQUEST FROM MOOR OF VENICE
O Hello !
I am a Moorish prince ! It is with heart full of hope &tragedye that I explain this tragedye.
my wife Desideminna was killed with a stab &and I tragically cannotget in her will which left me many of her possessions: moneyes,…
I AM A G-TOWN GAL. WE ARE ALL G-TOWN GALS.
Patricia Heaton, star of ABC’s The Middle, high-tailed it off of Twitter recently, presumably because she could not defend the nasty and misogynistic insults that she lobbed at Sandra Fluke, and that she encouraged her “Tweatons” to lob at Ms. Fluke.
Unfortunately for her, in connection with one of my posts on Oink-Gate, I took a screenshot of her Twitter stream. Here it is:
Sorry, Patricia. You can run away from your words, but you cannot hide from them. The Internet is forever.
Tree of Life (DVD commentary by me and my son)
Him: what. What? WHAT. WHAT?!
Me: This is nonlinear filmmaking (trying to sound smart). Do you know what linear means?
Him: “make sense?”
Him: This is a National Geographic special.
Him: How long is this?
Me: 17 hours.
Him: Is this “127 Hours?”
Me: James Franco plays all the Earth Exploding parts.
Him: I like the nice dinosaurs.
Him: This isn’t really a movie, is it?
Him: (dino in the woods) “HI!” Oh my god, he’s adorable.
Me: He’s dying.
Him: He’s taking a nap!
Me: He’s dying.
Him: HE’S BREATHING.
Him: Here comes the bass again. boom boom rumble boom… Oh look, it’s the asteroid coming to kill the dinosaurs… bass, bass, bass… EWW - look at that thing, what are they doing to those poor children? They’re coming out of a flooded house!
Me: gorrrrrhhhhhh
Him: Oh look it’s a newborn baby. I WISH butterflies would land on me. Watch out behind you! it’s Noah’s Ark, duh. What a weird bed.
Me: (dreamy) Fireflies.
Him: FROG!
Him: Spin spin spin, that’s where God lives.
Him: (old man close-up) AGH!
Me: God, I love their house.
Him: They’re eating extremely rare meat. Oh no, it’s meatloaf.
Him: (Jessica Chastain flying) WHAT?! Why can’t WE do that?
Him: They’re all wearin’ their sexy booty jeans.
Him: (black people serving food) They were still racist back then.
Him: They’re eating beans and peas and chocolate now.
Him: Everyone has little rat ears.
Him: So… did the dad dump them?
Him: Oh wait, the dad’s back, he’s starting to get mean and the kid’s starting to be like I am: sassy.
Him: it’s been an hour and 45 minutes and the story hasn’t gone anywhere.
Him: It’s been 2 hours and 15 minutes now. It really is gonna be 17 hours long, isn’t it?
Him: Hey, where’s the other brother?
Him: I wish I had a brother.
Him: Jeez, it took him THAT long to get up the elevator?
Him: Oh look, it’s “127 Hours” again. (he’s never seen 127 hours)
Him: …still some more to it, apparently.
Me: Is this the long version of “Footprints in the Sand?”
Him: No, it’s a family reunion at the beach.
Him: (re: mask in the ocean) OK, where did THAT come from?
Him: And now let’s do some contemporary dance!
Him: How many kids does she HAVE?
Him: OK, it’s over now, right?
Him: NO. IT’S NOT.
Him: Heh, still not as long as “Avatar.”
